Dear Army

It's been some time since I wrote in here. Anyone that's had an infant with colic might understand why. Anyhow I guess there are tons of things on my mind. I guess mostly about the "D" word.............. I am 100% panic stricken already. I just remember how quick it slapped us in the face last time. I know it seems insane to be worried already when its only February. I mean NTC is tentatively set for July, and deployment anytime from Oct.-November. I know I have time, and honestly I am not even sad for me right now. I mean I did it last time, it sucked, but I survived. It blows that Elijah is going to miss his Dad on his Birthday and so many other events. I swear if I hear one more person tell me "That's how it goes" or "You knew what you were getting in to" or anything of that nature, or tell me how they did it just fine I will loose my mind. It seems like anyone that you run into says something like that, and I am just plain over it. I don't ask to be worried or sad. I don't WANT to feel like there is an impending doom coming up, and the thought of that and being the physical equivalent of a single Mom almost makes me want to run away from the whole mess. I would love to talk to him about NTC of the next deployment and not feel like I might cry. I would love to make plans for that year and not think twice about about the fact that Nate will miss it. I feel like I can't vent to anyone about it because I get to hear about their last deployment and how they handled it, or how I'm being weak, or I knew what I was doing when I said "I do".

Anyway, Other than that my Grandma is coming to KS on the 27th. Elijah has an appointment on the 23rd. I have a few scattered in there as well.

My Mary Kay website is up and running from what I could tell. That was exciting to me to find out. So everyone can start ordering :)